A new season a new freedom

To live the life that I want…

To do what I want, spend time where and with whom I want, to be free… Know myself, what I like, what I dislike, what I value, my goals, my standards…this makes me free to be me!

During the Covid pandemic I felt very lonely, anxious and restricted. Same way many of us felt. So much worse for a born rebel! But It changed me and the way I look at the future.

I am going to make better decisions. I want to spend time with compatible people. Build real and meaningful relationships. I want to live the way I want to live. Eliminate the things that does not suit me. Set boundaries and don’t let others hold me back.

Do the hard things, eat less, exercise more, laugh much more and love hard. Enjoy myself and my life. Be more positive – it turns my life around. Change self-damaging habits – this makes me feel more energized and physically healthy.

I am starting to believe more in my abilities, to break my inner chains. I am worthy enough, I am good enough, I am good looking enough.

To be free I focus on what I have and not on what I am missing. I want to travel more and experience more. I want to help others live their best life.

I strive to live in the moment, to be content to be joyous.

It is Spring and it is a new beginning with blessings. Life is like a beautiful tree going through seasons to begin a new cycle, a new life with budding blossoms fragrant and beautiful. I will never stop growing and believing. I will do my best and be truly free!

“There are far better things ahead than any we leave behind.”

Staying & Creating Positive

Going from partial lock-down to level 5 only became a reality when the novelty of Pyjama days and Face Time parties wore off. Where is our freedom?

Not allowed to exercise? Not allowed to enjoy a glass of wine when I feel I deserve one because I ran out two weeks ago and I am not allowed to buy any, anywhere? Most of all not allowed to take my child to the beach?

For me the real pain was the loneliness. Not being able to see my friends and family, face to face not face to screen. To talk about our fears and share our feelings. I didn’t know if I was the only one feeling guilty for feeling angry about not having freedom.

Why guilty? Well, locking down people in their homes meant different things for different people.

While we were baking luxury goods, other people hardly had food to eat.

But then I went from guilt to rebellion. Why should I feel guilty about a life that we worked really hard to live. Why should we not have a choice to be exposed to whatever danger is lurking out there? I understand, it is not the same thing as being exposed to the probability of getting hit by a bus, but still, being threatened with a criminal record for going to the beach, wide open beach, fresh air?

Hiding behind our masks. Controversial to say the least, which I am not prepared to discuss. But, I do know the effect it has on my child. Not being able to see people’s faces when we go out for groceries, or more recently to go for a walk on the beach (after the levels were lifted). Facial expressions are extremely important to read a person’s intentions and feelings. Mishka relies so much on what she sees to process what she feels, and I can just see how I now have to consider the words child and depression in one sentence.

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A depressed rebellious little girl, not a good combination! So mommy had to get very creative, more than ever! Before I share a few favourite moments, let me rant a bit about women and lock down. Am I the only one that thinks we got hit the worst by this?

Wife, mom, nanny, cleaner, care taker and most recently teacher! I only have one child, I am not coping! There is a very good reason why I did not choose this as a vocation!

We were certainly tested during the highest levels of lock-down, tested for our patience,  kindness and our ability to not only see positive but to create positive.

More than her school work, I made my mission to lift my child’s spirit. Yes she has to stay up to date with her work, but if she feels down very little will persuade her to pick up a book.

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I now have many tricks up my sleeve to keep a bored child busy and entertained. Playing dress up is one!

A few of our favourite moments: