I recently read an article about mother daughter relationships, apparently the most important years to form a stable and happy relationship is from 6-12 years old. No wonder I am so fascinated by my and Mishka’s bond at this very moment. She’s turning 6 in November. I can already see that she watches my every move, from when I put my make-up on in the morning to when I sit down after a long day to be with my family. This article also points out that it is in these years that a daughter looks up to her mother as the perfect image of what she strives to be when she is older.
What a huge responsibility! I mean I can be the most perfect image of a mother but her perception could be different from what I am portraying.
I think what stands out to me is to give my daughter the proper tools to develop a healthy self-esteem. To mirror back to her the sense of worth every person should have.
I realise that if this is missing from our relationship, she will always seek approval or recognition from outside sources, probably the wrong sources.
It doesn’t matter how cool or lovely or stable you are as a mother, at some point your daughter is going to look at you and think, my mom is so uncool, or so this or that. I am not looking forward to that day!
At the moment I really cherish our special bond. The admiration she has for me, the fun I have with her. What am I going to do when that frustrated teenager blurts out ‘I hate you!”. I have to start preparing myself to be strong, to be the adult, to be mature enough to understand that adolescence is her time to break away from me, to form her own healthy friendships.
Mishka and I have a very special bond because not only is she my only girl, she’s my only child. We do everything together, we have such beautiful Sunday mornings, in our PJ’s, watching movies or running in the garden. We love wearing the same socks. Silly little things that make our bond strong and fun.
But I know that I have to let her grow into her own person one day, when I will have no say over what she wears or eats. Then I will have to remember that she is not just like me, she is everything I taught her, everything she saw at home, everything she is inside. And she needs to know that all of that is perfect.
We read so much these days, a luxury that my mother did not have when I grew up. We read about giving a child space to grow, setting a good example of healthy self-esteem, to have a sense of humour, to try and see her point of view.
Something I truly hope to cultivate in my daughter is respect, for herself and for others. If she can remember this, she will think twice before making wrong decisions.
I am getting ahead of myself, while I should just be enjoying my little Mishka, before those dreadful adolescent years kick in. For now we are mommy and Mish, playing, exploring and having so much fun!
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I love everything about this post – from the beautiful mommy daughter outfits, to what you wrote (especially this, as it really resonated with me as a mommy to a little girl). x
You are so right…what a huge responsibility! Whenever an upset dishearted mom comes into my practice, telling me that her child is lashing out at her, telling her that he/she hates her… I tell her that she is very lucky! Only when children feel safe, do they dare to lash out. Only when they trust the relationship, do they dare to test it.
When the relationship is in a crisis, acting out should be seen as a vote of confidence. The child basically says: “ No mom, that’s not the right answer, let me slam the door for you, try again!”